I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
