Little spoons don't ask big questions
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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