best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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