Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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