Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
