I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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