Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
