At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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