I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
