Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
