Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
