your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
