I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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