are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Acid is not a monday night drug
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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