You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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