My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
