SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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