He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
