made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard asā¦wellā¦" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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