She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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