I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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