Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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