so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
look no pants
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
