Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
