just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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