I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
