woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
