Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do herpes really smell.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
