the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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