so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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