Buhtt sex?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
