I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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