just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
