Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
