I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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