drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
