"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
