I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
