That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
