I can feel you judging me through the phone.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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