you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
