I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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