margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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