Fuck appropriateness.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
