My friends, they love my intelligence
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
