so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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