So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well you can't waste a boner
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
