Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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