Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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