I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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