tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
