every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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