you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
