so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
