So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
