so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
