the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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