One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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