ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
