My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
