what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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