i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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