He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
