double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize