omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
