Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize