I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
