dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
