ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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