i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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