If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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