Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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