We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
