Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
